Boker meets idol Casspi

Shai Boker had dreamed of hanging out with his favorite athlete, Omri Casspi, for years.

His room is filled with Casspi paraphernalia, from an Israeli national team jersey to a rookie card. As a diehard fan, Boker peruses Casspi’s fan page frequently. One day, he found something that caught his eye.

Casspi was running a basketball camp at Gann Academy in Waltham in early July. Boker, 18, knew working there was an opportunity he couldn’t pass up, so he and his family emailed Casspi’s partner Tamir Goodman looking to see if Shai could be an assistant coach.

He got it.

Boker attended Casspi’s camp, called Omri Casspi Basketball Camp in Partnership with Tamir Goodman, from July 7-11. He was an assistant coach for younger players in the morning and a camper in the afternoon. The Lexington resident Boker honed his teaching ability and basketball skills, all while spending quality time with the player he’s admired for years.

“Meeting him is basically a dream come true,” Boker said. “He’s my favorite player and I know so much about him.”

Boker remembers Casspi’s first NBA game vividly. He knew Casspi scored 15 points in a 102-89 loss to the Oklahoma City Thunder back in 2009. 

The two chatted for hours during the weeklong camp – Boker sharing his favorite Casspi moments and his idol smiling and helping his new friend live out his dream.

“It’s awesome,” Casspi said with a smile. “He knows more stats about me than I know about myself.”

One day, Boker decided to challenge Casspi to a game of H-O-R-S-E. It was a battle of sharpshooters.

Two days after the fierce competition, Casspi called Shai’s name. Boker took one last shot and dribbled over to the row of chairs where the 6-foot-9 small forward sat.

“What was the score when we played H-O-R-S-E?” Casspi asked Boker.

“H-O-R-S-E for me, nothing for you,” Boker said, laughing, turning back to the basket and launching another 3-pointer.

Boker first became a fan of Casspi’s during the 2006-07 season, far before even the most avid NBA aficionado knew the current Houston Rocket forward. They both lived in Israel, Boker in a village called Avigdor, and Casspi in a town named Yavne, just 20 minutes away.

When Casspi entered the NBA and suited up for the Sacramento Kings, basketball junkie Boker’s infatuation grew. Boker now had a chance to watch him square off against some of his other favorite teams, including the Boston Celtics.

“It’s been really phenomenal,” Boker said about watching Casspi in the NBA. “The thing I’ll remember most is his ‘posterization’ of Kobe Bryant. He got an And One.”

Boker went to a Kings-Celtics game on Jan. 11, 2011. The family brought a poster that read, “Casspi, you are the King” in Hebrew. Seeing Casspi play in person in the NBA was a start, but Boker was left wanting more.

Little did he know that was just the beginning of their relationship.

Fast forward two and a half years.

Casspi and Boker are shooting the breeze and shooting jumpers, getting to know each other and talking about Casspi’s most memorable NBA games.

“He’s a fun guy, man,” Casspi said of Boker. “I love him a lot and he helps a lot with the kids. He shows a lot of great leadership.”

Boker made sure to get his Israeli national team jersey signed, something he couldn’t do at the game. But the material objects aren’t what matter to Boker the most. It’s the friendship he built – one that he hopes will continue to grow.

Boker and Casspi pose at the courts at Gann Academy

Boker wants to work at the camp again next year. Though the plans aren't set in stone, Boker said there's a good chance he'll get to live his dream one more time. 

Said Boker: “It’s special to me because I met my favorite player who I have looked up to since he was drafted.”

tbhass@syr.edu

@TrevorHass

WOMEN'S BASKETBALL

Despite return to NCAA tournament, Syracuse still left with mixed feelings

BY TREVOR HASSASST. COPY EDITOR

Published March 27, 2013 at 1:18 am

Kayla Alexander sat in Manley Field House dressed in sweaty workout clothes. She placed her water bottle down, and the game face she wore for months transformed into a giddy grin.

Just three days removed from Syracuse’s painful loss to Creighton in the first round of the NCAA tournament, Alexander was in light spirits. Her goal at the start of the season was to qualify for the tournament, and that’s exactly what the Orange did.

But something didn’t sit right. Alexander yearned for something more.

A tournament win.

“Yeah, it’s a success, but at the same time, I felt like we underachieved,” Alexander said. “I feel like if you ask any of our teammates, they’ll say that. We had too much talent.”

After winning 23 regular-season games — a school record after 29 contests — Syracuse wasn’t satisfied with just making the tournament. Alexander said the team expected to reel off three or more wins and make a deep run. Her jovial expression soured as she talked about the team’s loss. She and the rest of the Orange look back on the season with mixed emotions, relishing all they achieved but disappointed by what they failed to accomplish.

The talent became evident early in the season. The Orange ripped off two seven-game winning streaks and enclosing just one loss, blowing teams out by laughable margins and finishing down-to-the-wire games it may not have a year ago.

Head coach Quentin Hillsman had the luxury of starting three freshmen for most of the season in Brittney Sykes, Brianna Butler and Cornelia Fondren. He also had three seniors in Alexander, Elashier Hall and Carmen Tyson-Thomas, who wanted to ensure this year ended differently than the previous three.

Alexander thought hard about what it was like playing with Tyson-Thomas and Hall for four years. Moments later, her eyes lit up and she set the time machine back to 2009, when she committed to Syracuse and first met Tyson-Thomas.

Alexander noticed something peculiar about Tyson-Thomas’ eyes. They were light brown and looked a little funky. Alexander said Tyson-Thomas insisted the bizarrely tinted eyes were her natural color every time it came up in conversation. More than a year later, Alexander noticed something different about her teammate’s eyes. They were dark brown, not light, and didn’t look as mystical.

The act was up. They were colored contacts.

“I was like ‘Really, Carmen? Why would you lie about something like that?’ But that’s Carmen. Always doing stupid stuff,” Alexander said with a chuckle.

That kind of chemistry and comfort — manifested via contrasting personalities — had been in the works for three seasons. One piece of the puzzle was Alexander, a Canadian superstar who Sykes dubbed a “gentle giant.” Her classmate Hall was a sharpshooting guard who donned a new hairstyle for what seemed like every game. Finally, there was Tyson-Thomas, a rebound-obsessed and tattoo-covered swingman who led the team vocally.

Alexander said Tyson-Thomas named her Big East sixth-man trophy Carlos II. She already had a teddy bear named Carlos I, so giving the trophy the moniker Carlos II was only natural.

“Carmen does her own thing,” Alexander said. “One thing I can definitely say is that we all have different personalities. Completely different.”

After struggling to get over the hump the last three years, it was time for Syracuse’s unified core group to accomplish its previously unobtainable goal of making the NCAA tournament.

The Orange finished third in the Big East and advanced to the conference tournament semifinals before falling to Connecticut. Hillsman said he never had to ask for effort from his players. They all bought into the system from day one.

“I thought we had a tremendous season,” Hillsman said. “I think you can point to a lot of different games and say that this person stepped up and won the game for us.”

One of those wins came in Hollywood fashion against St. John’s on Jan. 23. With the game knotted at 57 and 2.8 seconds to go, Sykes stole the ball and banked in an improbable shot from beyond half court at the buzzer to give Syracuse the win.

“Just to be a freshman and to hit that shot and make history, it was pretty cool,” Sykes said. “It’s going be talked about all four years that I’m here and even when I’m gone, so it feels kind of good.”

With that win, nestled between victories over tournament-bound DePaul and Louisville, on the Orange’s resume, the goal the three seniors had coveted for four years finally materialized.

Syracuse earned a No. 7 seed in the NCAA tournament and was the favorite against No. 10-seed Creighton. But the Bluejays outplayed the Orange on Saturday, causing the trio’s last hurrah to come to a screeching, stunning halt.

“When it first happened, I was in shock,” Alexander said. “I didn’t have any emotion. You go to bed, you can’t sleep. You just replay the game over and over in your head.”

Then she paused and took a deep breath.

“But now I’m — now I’m good.”

Contact Trevor: tbhass@syr.edu

NATIONAL MEN'S LACROSSE

Drexel long pole hones skills playing floorball for Canada

BY TREVOR HASSASST. COPY EDITOR

Published March 26, 2013 at 12:51 am

Pat Root was in ninth grade when he was first exposed to floorball.

Root played hockey every Tuesday and Thursday morning in gym class. One day, his teacher decided it was time for a change. That’s when floorball made its way to St. Andrew’s in Ontario.

Little did Root know, he would go on to play for and captain the Canadian U-19 floorball team twice and compete in an international adult world championship. He helped floorball – a game with elements of ice hockey, box lacrosse and field lacrosse – gain popularity in Canada. Now, with lifelong experience playing a variety of stick sports, Root starts at long-stick midfield for Drexel.

“I think floorball has the same effects as hockey would have on playing lacrosse,” Root said. “The idea of having the stick in the hand and that motor skill is all the same throughout those three sports.”

The main differences between indoor hockey and floorball are that the boards around the rink go up to one’s knees and the stick can’t come up above the knees, Root said.

Despite Canada’s ties to hockey, floorball was an entirely new game to the country when Root first found out about it in gym class. He and his teammates played three nights a week and two hours a night, just for fun.

That was just the beginning, though.

Because of the sport’s lack of popularity, they were able to form a Canadian national team – 80 percent of which comprised players from St. Andrew’s – to compete at the world championships in Finland. The players knew they were in for a challenge, but they didn’t know just how strong the competition would be.

Canada got destroyed, finishing near the bottom of a group of about 25 teams, Root said. The players lacked the floorball finesse that European teams had mastered. Accustomed to indoor hockey and ice hockey, Canada’s physical style of play frustrated opposing coaches and didn’t bode well with referees, Root said.

“In Canada, when we’re born, they give us a hockey stick,” Root said. “The kids that we were playing on the German teams, on the Finnish teams, they get a floorball stick when they’re born. That’s what they do. That’s what they play.”

But Root wasn’t done. He used that failure as fuel for next year’s world championship. Assembling a team of both Canadian and European players who were cut from their own teams, the Canadians formed a more formidable squad heading into the tournament.

Playing in front of 3,000 raucous fans in the quarterfinals amid a memorable run, Canada still lost, but it put up a fight, falling to the heavily favored host Germany by just two goals, Root said.

“It’s kind of hard to compete with, but eventually, I think you catch up and you make that gap a little bit smaller,” Root said. “I think getting to the quarterfinals showed that North America is developing to play the sport with the rest of Europe.”

Root went on to play defense for the men’s national team and was its youngest player. He said his team lost one game to No. 2 Finland 14-2, but he scored a top-corner goal.

While floorball was a key component of Root’s life, it wasn’t the only sport he played growing up. He also excelled in box lacrosse since the age of 6. In ninth grade, he tried out for an American field lacrosse team and got cut, motivating him to improve. Root eventually made the Ontario-based Edge Lacrosse team, which is when Drexel head coach Brian Voelker first saw him play — Root’s floorball prowess in the back of his mind.

“We kind of found out about it while we were recruiting him,” Voelker said. “I don’t think anybody here really knew what it was. All the coaches got on the Internet and looked up some YouTube stuff.”

After breaking his arm on the third day of practice last season, Root redshirted. This year, he plays long-stick midfield and is first on the team in caused turnovers with 10 and second in groundballs with 21.

Fellow defender Matt Dusek has been impressed with Root – one of seven Canadians on Drexel’s roster – so far. He said playing floorball likely helped hone Root’s stick skills.

“He flicks the ball to the spots where nobody is and then picks up the groundball easily,” Dusek said. “With things like that, I think it helps him out a lot.”

Contact Trevor: tbhass@syr.edu

Men's Basketball

Syracuse-Georgetown reaches new heights, tensions flare in 1984 Big East championship

By Trevor Hass Asst. Copy Editor

 

Published February 22, 2013 at 2:25 am 

 

Sonny Spera labeled it “Hoya Paranoia.” Rafael Addison said they were “like the Oakland Raiders of college basketball.” Andre Hawkins coined it a “Georgetown-against-the-world mentality.”

All three had a different, nasty, spiteful term to describe the tough-nosed style of basketball that defined Georgetown in the 1980s, but all of their callous accusations merged at a harsh consensus: The Hoyas were a dirty basketball team.

“The whole ‘Hoya Paranoia’ thing, I think they just fed off that,” Spera said.” I think they just liked to be the dark side of the force. Good versus evil. I think they didn’t mind playing the bad boy role. They loved it.”

That blood-bath, no-mercy, utter-hatred mentality bubbled to an all-time high in the Big East tournament on March 10, 1984, when Syracuse and Georgetown tussled in the championship finale.

With four minutes remaining, a game already doused with animosity turned brutal, as Georgetown big man Michael Graham took a left-handed swipe at Syracuse forward Andre Hawkins’ face. Referee Dick “Froggy” Paparo initially ejected Graham, but after discussing the situation with coaches Jim Boeheim and John Thompson, the officiating crew decided to reverse the call. Graham stayed in the game and fueled Georgetown to a win as part of a legendary kerfuffle that epitomizes the SU-Georgetown rivalry.

“You go to Syracuse, you have a friend at Syracuse, you even have a friend of a friend of a friend who goes to Syracuse, you just hate Georgetown,” Spera said. “It’s as simple as that.”

Late in the second half, that hatred reached new heights. Syracuse was up four points and a Big East championship was on the horizon. Then, chaos ensued.

Graham attempted a reverse layup in traffic that skimmed off of the backboard. Hawkins and Graham grappled for possession. Eventually, Hawkins snatched the ball away and fell to the floor. As he took the tumble, Graham swatted at him, barely missing the 6-foot-6 forward’s head.

“He took a huge swing at him,” Spera said. “He took a roundhouse, left-hand, all out punch, but he didn’t hit him. … It’s just a punk move.”

Paparo sprinted to the scene of the crime with a jolt in his step, ready to make a pivotal call. He signaled that Hawkins was ejected, jerking his hand toward the locker room. “He’s out! He’s out! He’s out!” Spera recalls Paparo shouting.

But after the refs convened and reached a verdict, Paparo trotted to the sideline to discuss the matter with Boeheim and Thompson. He reversed the call and Graham, who Spera called a “loose cannon,” stayed in the game.

That meant Syracuse only got two shots, instead of two additional technical foul shots and the ball. In a potentially pivotal twist that could have ignited SU to a victory, just the opposite happened.

Spera doesn’t know why the officials changed the call, but he speculates it was due to Georgetown’s intimidation factor, particularly that of the 6-foot-10, 269-pound behemoth Thompson, who Spera said had his way with Paparo.

Graham had a reputation as “the enforcer.” Addison said he epitomized the physical mentality that defined Georgetown during those years.

“Put it this way: I wasn’t surprised that Michael Graham tried something like that,” Addison said. “I would have been more surprised if somebody fell down and he helped them up.”

Hawkins said he had no idea Graham swatted his fist in his direction until after the game when he watched it on replay. He fell down and was focused on not traveling, his back turned when the punch came.

“If you watch the video, it shows that he took a swing at me, but he never connected,” Hawkins said.

“But he did take the swing, which means he should have been ejected, as far as I know.”

But he wasn’t. Hawkins fouled out a minute later as Georgetown sent the game into overtime, eventually coming away with the momentous win. Carried by Patrick Ewing, the Hoyas went on to win the national championship.

Spera said he remembers the brouhaha clearly, but he doesn’t remember much about Georgetown’s late-game push after the bedlam ensued.

“How about that for selective memory?” Spera said, laughing. “The details get a little fuzzy after that.”

Boeheim was infuriated after the game, pushing a chair in disgust in a postgame press conference.

“Today,” Boeheim said, still bewildered and befuddled by the reversed call, “the best team didn’t win.”

Contact Trevor: tbhass@syr.edu

Boeheim passes Bob Knight, moves into 2nd place on all-time wins list with 903

By Trevor Hass - Syracuse University '15

Syracuse coach Jim Boeheim moved into second place on the all-time wins list after a 78-53 win against Rutgers.
(ESPN)

If you were to walk around the campus at Syracuse University and ask 100 students who the head coach of the men’s basketball team was, I’d say 80 would respond with one simple word:

Boeheim.

Sure, seven people would hesitate, and then, after an epiphany, yell out “Boa-heem!” hoping – praying – it was right.

Five more people would just look at you quizzically and have absolutely no idea what you were talking about and go about their day.

The remaining eight people would probably tell you they were late for some sorority shindig to avoid the embarrassment of not knowing the answer.

But, in all likelihood (no, I haven’t actually done this), 80 of the 100 students would give the right answer in a split second, with no hesitation and some serious pride: Boeheim.

Syracuse fans have a lot of pride when it comes to their basketball team, particularly their legendary head coach.

That pride was present Wednesday night for Syracuse fans, as Boeheim moved into sole possession of second place on the NCAA Division-I men’s basketball all-time wins list, passing Bob Knight.

Boeheim picked up his 903^rd win in a 78-53 victory over Rutgers in Syracuse’s Big East opener.

Boeheim now sits behind only Mike Krzyzewski, who currently has 940 wins and has shown no signs of slowing down anytime soon.

Boeheim is to Syracuse what Coach K is to Duke: longevity, commitment, an unremitting drive for excellence.

Some new fans might call him Jim Boeheim. Some fans who think they’re hotshots might call him Jimbo, JB or even J-Bay. Some might pretend they get coffee with him every weekend and call him Jimmy or Jimmy-boy.

But in general, he’s a man who goes by one word, a last name essentially synonymous with Syracuse basketball: Boeheim.

Boeheim is Syracuse basketball. It’s been that way since 1976, when he took over the reigns as head coach.

Before his incredible coaching career, he walked on to the basketball team in 1962. He ended up being a captain his senior year, playing alongside his freshman roommate and future NBA star, Dave Bing.

He went on to serve as an assistant coach from 1969-1976, and since then, he hasn’t skipped a beat.

There’s a reason Syracuse won a national championship in 2003. There’s a reason Syracuse has made the NCAA tournament 29 times in the last 36 years and won nine Big East regular season championships during that time. There’s a reason players ranging from Carmelo Anthony to Class of 2013 recruit Tyler Ennis have decided to come to Syracuse.

No, it’s not the weather. The Carrier Dome might have to do with it a little bit. Maybe the Big East (now ACC) is a factor. The 2-3 zone could contribute.

Maybe the awesome facilities, the lure of living on South Campus or the phenomenal restaurants Dinosaur BBQ and Pastabilities play a part.

But there’s one main reason top recruits decide to come to the ‘Cuse.

No, it’s not the painfully slow Wi-Fi connection, the painfully inefficient class selection process or the painfully expensive books.

I would assume you know what it is by now.

Just in case you somehow don’t…it’s Jimbo! J-Bay!

The man who has earned a spot on the Mount Rushmore of college coaches.

The man who has brought continued success to one of the nation’s top programs.

The man who has made Syracuse basketball what it is today.

Boeheim. 903 wins and counting.

'It was a defining moment': Former players reflect on 2010 Pinstripe Bowl victory

Bend, but don't break.

It was a simple message – one the Syracuse coaching staff had preached the entire 2010 season, and one instilled into cornerback Da’Mon Merkerson’s mind. A motto that became more pertinent than ever in the Pinstripe Bowl as Kansas State lined up for a potentially game-tying two-point conversion with 1:13 remaining.

Syracuse’s defense had certainly bent – it surrendered 34 points and let the Wildcats hang around. But it never broke. The Orange stopped KSU when it mattered most, preserving a 36-34 win.

“We gave them a touchdown, but we’re not gonna give up the game,” Merkerson said. “It was a defining moment. We may bend, but we’re not gonna break.”

After winning just 14 games combined throughout the previous five seasons, a win in the Pinstripe Bowl capped a full-fledged turnaround for Syracuse. That win helped paved the way for the current team and changed the culture of SU football. The 2012 Orange qualified for the Pinstripe Bowl yet again after a 7-5 regular season, and will face West Virginia on Saturday at 3:15 p.m.

Syracuse’s defense bent three times on three touchdown runs by Daniel Thomas. It bent yet again when quarterback Carson Coffman delivered a 30-yard touchdown pass to Adrian Hilburn to cut the deficit to two.

“We all came up together and said, ‘We worked too hard for this, man,’” linebacker Derrell Smith said. “One more play and we got the win.”

As Merkerson saw the ball coming toward him, he knew he had to make a play.

And he did. Merkerson didn’t let his man, Aubrey Quarles, catch the ball, as SU held on for the win.

“Everybody did what they were supposed to do,” Smith said. “Everybody stayed in their lane and did their responsibility and we came out with the win. It was a great experience for me. It was a crazy feeling.”

Earlier, with less than six minutes remaining in the game and Kansas State down five with the ball at Syracuse’s 11-yard-line, Wildcat head coach Bill Snyder made a gutsy call – a call he admitted was the wrong one after the game.

He decided to go for it on fourth down, instead of kicking a field goal and cutting the deficit to two, hoping to catch the Syracuse defense off guard.

But SU’s defense, led by the now-junior linebacker Marquis Spruill, swarmed around Ryan Doerr and sent him to the ground. Syracuse took over on downs with a chance to control its own destiny.

That’s when Orange running back Delone Carter went into beast mode. Carter had already racked up two touchdowns and more than 100 yards, but his most electrifying run came on the very next play after Syracuse regained possession.

Carter burst through a hole in the KSU defense and jetted down the near side of the field, picking up 60 yards before being tackled.

“The highlight of the game was Delone when he broke out for that run. He needs some extra speed because he got caught,” Merkerson said with a chuckle. “But that run, it was like, at that moment, we’re gonna win.”

Ross Krautman nailed a 39-yard field goal, extending Syracuse’s lead to 36-28 with just 3:08 remaining. But that was all the time Coffman and the Wildcats needed.

The quarterback sparked a drive downfield and gave Kansas State a chance. After Hilburn’s 30-yard touchdown reception, the wide receiver capped off the play with what seemed like a harmless celebratory gesture at the time.

He saluted the orange-clad crowd with a simple wave of the hand, a wave that may have cost KSU a win. The refs slapped him with a 15-yard penalty for unsportsmanlike conduct, pushing the Wildcats’ two-point conversion attempt back to the 17-yard line.

After a questionable call that went in their favor, the Orange defenders didn’t loosen up or breathe a sigh of relief. Instead, they bore down for one final play and made the stop, refusing to break.
Smith, who will be on the sidelines as a motivator for the Orange on Saturday, said the win helped turn the program around and made people respect Syracuse football.

“We had come so far those past few years from being down and being the laughing stock of college football,” Smith said. “For us to reach a bowl game and to win it in that manner – and to show that we had resiliency and we can persevere through tough times – it was something special for us.”

But for Merkerson, who grew up in nearby Passaic, N.J., the game wasn’t the only exhilarating aspect of the trip.

He recalls being overwhelmed inside Yankee Stadium, marveling at the spectacle around him. He had never played football on a baseball field and had never been inside the historic ballpark.

It was all a new experience for Merkerson. Even the jumbo-sized videoboard in Yankee Stadium was something new for the cornerback.

“That screen was so clear,” Merkerson said. “I was on the field looking at the screen thinking, ‘Damn, I wish I had that in my house.' It was overwhelming.”

Defensive end Mikhail Marinovich remembers walking into the Yankees’ locker room and then stepping onto the field, trying to take in the significance of the situation.

“It was a privilege to be there,” Marinovich said. “I’m a fan of baseball to begin with, so it was a little something special on top of just making it to a bowl game.”

Now, two years after the 2010 team set the foundation and paved the way for this year’s team to shine, the Orange looks for yet another win in the Pinstripe Bowl at Yankee Stadium. SU will try to leave the Big East with a bang and earn its second bowl game victory in the last three years.

Merkerson, Smith and Marinovich will be watching, as players who shined at Yankee Stadium in 2010, such as wide receiver Marcus Sales and quarterback Ryan Nassib, look to add to their legacy with yet another momentous win.

“They’re like my little brothers,” Merkerson said. “I feel like a foundation was laid down, and now those guys will continue to teach the guys underneath them what needs to be done to continue to succeed.

“Winning isn’t easy. It’s a great feeling to see people excelling.”

Contact Trevor: tbhass@syr.edu

Not Top 10: Most un-bowl-ievably bad bowl names

By Trevor Hass - Syracuse University '15

The Advocare 100 Independence Bowl. Really?

Bowl season is now in full swing. Arizona squeaked out a 49-48 win in a shootout against Nevada, while Utah State romped Toledo 41-15, thanks to a dominant 3-touchdown performance by RB Kerwynn Williams.

The action is great, sure, but it’s not even close to as great as the incredible (and by incredible I mean atrocious) bowl names that accompany the games.

Remember when it was just called the Rose Bowl? The Rose Bowl was the purest thing in college football. Now it’s the Rose Bowl Game Presented By Vizio. Not so pure.

Here’s a Not Top 10 list of the worst bowl names in 2012, full of names that are almost as “un-bowl-ievably” bad as the incorporation of “un-bowl-ievably.” And that’s saying something.


10) Outback Bowl (Michigan vs. South Carolina, 1 p.m. on Jan. 1)

This one seems normal on the surface, but if you really think about it, it’s far from normal. Outback is a steakhouse. What does steak have to do with a bowl game? You’d think they’d cook up something a little more well done considering the high, um, stakes. Maybe they’re trying to give off the vibe of toughness (rawness) – that football players are so “meaty” and tough that they take people “Out-back” and teach them a thing or two. Doubtful. Not sure the Outback Bowl is the most scrumptious name out there.

9) Tostitos Fiesta Bowl (Oregon vs. Kansas St., 8:30 p.m. on Jan. 3)

My only gripe with this one is that Tostitos is trying just a tad too hard. They’re basically implying that someone who likes football and their chips would naturally combine those two things into a fiesta. I’d be fine with Tostitos Bowl. Companies need to sponsor games. I get that. The “Fiesta” just puts it over the top. What if I want to just eat Tostitos while watching the Tostitos Bowl? Maybe I don’t want a fiesta. If I do, I’ll have my own fiesta and call it the Trevor Fiesta. Nope, that sounds preposterous. So does Tostitos Fiesta. Now you see where I’m coming from. The one thing I do like, though, is that Chip Kelly is coaching in a bowl game based predominantly around chips. That’s kind of cool.

8) Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl (NC St. vs. Vanderbilt, noon on Dec. 31)

Wow. This one really speaks for itself, but I’ll throw in as many bad puns and semi-humorous one-liners just to keep you slightly entertained. I’m just picturing this 50-something with a monocle and a pinstripe suit from a mortgage company standing at midfield. “Hello everyone, and welcome to the Franklin Mortgage Music City Bowl. Whooph, saying that entire name was exhausting. I’m winded. Give me a second…….Who thought of this name anyway? It’s just awful.” Nothing says bowl season like the FAMMCB. The Fammcb. The Famsib. Oh you famsib, huh? I personally don’t famsib (fancy) it. Then again, maybe I do if I’ve had this much fun making fun of it. Maybe it’s all a master ploy to get people to talk about Franklin American Mortgage! Brilliant! Or maybe it’s just bad. It’s a toss-up, frankly.

7) Taxslayer.com Gator Bowl (Miss. St. vs. Northwestern, noon on Jan. 1)

Really? I’m picturing a massive gator lurking in the water ready to snatch and eventually pulverize its prey. But here’s the twist. The gator casually stands up, revealing a pair of fully functioning gator legs. He walks over to a nearby post, picks up a laptop and starts doing taxes.
“Honey, I’m slaying these taxes!”
“That’s great to hear, honey. I’m going to food shopping.”
“Later, gator.”
Is that what they’re going for? Again, doubtful. Possible, though.

6) Sheraton Hawaii Bowl (Fresno St. vs. SMU, 8 p.m. on Dec. 24)

All I can picture is a massive hotel/football field combo in a bowl-shape. That would be sweet. If they actually had that, I would book a flight right away and switch to Sheraton for life. I may actually be onto something there. Anything involving Hawaii is awesome, so I won’t make fun of this one too much. The only thing I’ll say is that I would reconsider pairing a hotel with an island. Those two don’t really go together. Just kidding. Crap. I guess this name’s not that bad. I’m keeping it in the Not Top 10 though. You’ll just have to accept it. On second thought, here’s a flaw. I think Sheraloha Bowl has a nice ring to it. I’ll run it by Sheraton and let you know what they say. Hopefully, it’s a go.

5) Little Caesars Bowl (W. Kentucky vs. C. Michigan, 7:30 p.m. on Dec. 26)

Ready for another ridiculous scenario? Of course you are! If you weren’t, you would have stopped reading awhile ago. Picture lots of Little Julius Caesars running around with swords and robes (that’s what they wore, right?) It’s 4^th and 1. Central Michigan has the ball at Western Kentucky’s 2-yard line with four seconds to go, down six points.  Hilltopper defensive back Jonathan Dowling turns to his Little Caesar friend and says: “Time to Caese the moment, comrade!” Then Dowling attacks Chippewa QB Ryan Radcliff. But then, in a shocking twist, CMU offensive lineman Eric Fisher turns around and tackles Radcliff in the ultimate form of betrayal. “Et tu, Brute?” Radcliff says, following the “Brute” tackle, and lies on the ground, defeated, with the game over and the season a disappointment. Fin.

4) Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl (TCU vs. Mich St., 10:15 p.m. on Dec. 29)

You’re with a couple of buddies at Buffalo Wild Wings watching the game. Hey, I ate Tostitos and had a fiesta while watching the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl … why not watch the Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl at Buffalo Wild Wings? Mich St. has the ball in a tie game with seven seconds to go at TCU’s 43-yard line, just out of field goal range. It’s Le’Veon Bell time. Mich St. head coach Mark Dantonio plays it safe and hands the ball to his star running back. It looks like he’s about to get tackled and the game will head into overtime. But then he breaks free! Un-Bell-ievable! Then, in a shocking turn of events, a rock emerges on the field out of nowhere and Bell trips and flies forward – just a few yards short of the endzone – as time expires. Similar situations unfold over and over again, and eventually the game heads into quintuple overtime. That’s okay! More wings and beer! If you don’t get the reference, watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1C8y5z_7YtA
You probably get it, though, considering you likely care about and watch sports.

3) San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl (BYU vs. SDSU, 8 p.m. on Dec. 20)

I just don’t quite see the connection between an unexciting company, a flower and a football game. Isn’t that what the Rose Bowl Game Presented by Vizio is for? The SDCCUPB doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue. The credit union deserves no credit here. Credit is exciting! The bowl name should get people excited! I mean, I guess San Diego’s exciting. Poinsettias are moderately exciting. Football’s all right, too! But county credit union … doesn’t get much dryer and less exciting than that.

2) R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl (E. Carolina vs. La. Lafayette, noon on Dec. 22)

R+L’s Carrier’s slogan is “We ship anything, anywhere, anytime.” All right, then. How about shipping in some new marketing specialists? This name is a “shipwreck.” First of all (maybe it’s just me), but I didn’t know what R+L Carriers was. Secondly, now that I do, there’s no pizzazz to the name. It doesn’t make me want to ship my products with them. Come on, R+L; I expect better of you. Finally, I’m just envisioning a truck driver “carrying” the football and getting absolutely obliterated, like Caesar. This name just isn’t good. It’s not as laughable as some of the others, but it’s just as bad – if not worse.

1) Advocare V100 Independence Bowl (Ohio vs. UL Monroe, 2 p.m. on Dec. 28)

This one takes the cake. The worst of the worst. The most un-bowl-ievably bad. “I have enough independence to use Advocare V100 on my own now! I’m independent! You can gain that independence too by switching to Advocare!” Frankly, I don’t (Advo)care. This is not a good name for a bowl game.

There you have it: The 10 most un-bowl-ievably bad bowl names.